However a copy of the unofficial minutes have come my way (one of the few perks of being a blogger is the occasional and mysterious appearance of such things in one's inbox), apparently having been left behind on a table. Having read them I now suspect I got off likely. Whoever wrote these notes (and I genuinely have no idea who it was) is (a) brilliant (so all BCC's employees are in the clear) and (b) obviously had the conference scenario down to a tee so I suspect it wasn't his first, although it may be his last.
Cycling City conference Gaining Momentum
Cllr Dr Jon Rogers (Executive Member,Transport): (Welcome): You're all lovely! 3 cheers for Cycling City! I love you all, even the bloggers (shows slide of Green Bristol blog)...I love your friendly criticism! Traffic lights are green - lets go! Evening Post loves me now too! 3 cheers for Cycling City!
Jan Ormondroyd (Chief Executive Officer): (Opening remarks): I've got a bike! I'm all wobbly! 3 cheers for Cycling City! I want it!
Philip Darnton, Chairman, Cycling England: (Keynote address): 3 cheers for Cycling City! Why is Bristol so important to Cycling England? Because there are only four of us and our jobs depend on it! Now's the time to pull together! Its easy! Just spend all the money, and then tell us how much cycling has improved! You can do it! Oh yes you can! Oh YES you can! Pleaeeeese! I'm such as nice chap!
David Bishop (Strategic Director): 3 cheers for Cycling City! Yes we really want it. Oh yes we all do. We want a sustainable Bristol a congestion free Bristol and cycling so important - we mean to succeed, errm (looks at notes and sits down)
Hugh Annett (Director of Public Health): Cycling is healthy! 3 cheers for cycling!
Ed Plowden (Programme Manager): (breathlessly rushes on. we're doing this and this and this and this and this and this and we're going to do this and this and this and this and this (images flash by on screen). phew ! (mops brow); time for a cuppa!
Convenor: Now we'll have a pretend workshop. Talk to the people on your table about the things on the postcard for 45 minutes.
(45 mins later) - Convenor: Now wasn’t that fun. Next we have Silly Question Time. If you listened very carefully at the start you'll have heard me whisper that you should write your question on the card which is in your recyclable delegate bag with the free squeezy water bottle. I have 5 questions for the panel. First question is (reads card) ... ?????
Panel:David Bishop: 3 cheers for cycling city!
Convenor: Next question "Are you sure you've got the balance between hard and soft measures right???" Now that's a hard one.
Panel - Ed Plowden: Absolutely yes. My balance is fine. They've taken my stabilisers off! Watch me go down Gloucester Road! Wheeeee….!
Convenor: Next question is "Are you listening to the voices of experience???."
Philip: It's SO important that people with experience think they're being listened to.And everyone one else too. Listening is so important.
Convenor: Question: "Will you maintain the cycle paths???
Panel (Ed): That’s a good one - will we or won't we? The answer is we'll make them so they can be maintained. 3 cheers for cycling city!
Convenor: No more questions!
Philip Darnton: (winding up): This is such a great day! Now's the time to pull together! No more silly squabbling! Just do it! You'll be able to say to your grandchildren: Oh yes, I was there…...I was there when it all started at Gloucester County Cricket Club on Monday 26 October 2009...I heard the Chief Executive say "I want it!" 3 cheers for…………
(Here the notes end with mark of a broken pencil lead..)